xmungkin.. tu saja-saja kan… kannnn.. kannnnnnnnn

28/11/2017 SELASA

Hari ni ada theatre #biarkudukung… maacm biasa… diorg nk selpi je.. so, join je la.. dah diorg ajak. Bila azah post kat insta.. dia g mention nama aku and tulis cumel.. damn azah… pastu AA like post tu… then, azah terkejut laaa sbb before ni dia xpnh like.. pastu bila ada aku,…. Baru nak like.. at first aku senyap..\\

Pastu nk g mcd…. Nk smbut birthday…birthday kak zana… aku Tanya azlinah, selama dia buat ig story, AA tu ada tgk x… dia kata xde…

Masalahnya, dia selalu tgk aku punya… hahhahaha apakah~~~~

Terus laa diorg kenang balik semua yg jadi kat kem… AA awat hang suka panggil nama aku… nak tahu kenapa… 

xmungkin.. tu saja-saja kan… kannnn.. kannnnnnnnn

kem memperkasakan mahasiswa 6.0 (1)

Jumaat 10/11/2017

Lepas exam TOB… aku pergi ke ulu Langat (if I was not mistaken)… hahaha,, kem ni kem memperkasakan mahasiswa 6.0… ok kem ni utk budak yg pnh resit paper… so… those yg pnh fail… ada laa mukanya.

Then. Hari pertama, nama consultant tu… ipminda… ada 3 consultant. USTAZ AZLAN, USTAZ ASYRAF AMRAN DAN USTAZ DANIEL. Masa hari first, biasa laaa… fasa kenal diri. Ada tiga bentuk segi empat, bulat , segi tiga , dan hexagon. Aku pilih segi empat or square. Hmmm…. Dia seorang yg sensitive dan senang buat kerja dalam kesempurnaan. 

Lepas tu. Ada game. Di mana semua orang jalan2 dan bila ustaz azlan sebut 3 orang… maka semua akan cari pasangan dan 3 orang akan duduk. Siapa yg xde pasangan kena denda. So ada 3, 5, 7, dan 9 orang… last2 sekali 9 orang… dimana 9 orang tu la kumpulan sampai habis kem. 

So dalam grup aku.. AKU, WAN HAKIM, SU, AZ, SARAH, AINA, SALAH, MEERA, ANIS. So kami punya grup nama diberi nama SAIDINA ABU BAKAR sempena JUJUR, AMANAH DAN BERANI. Maka ustaz AA bagi la satu kain putih untuk lukis logo kumpulan. So idea aina ada love kat tgh ada alquran dan dua pedang tusuk hati tu. So aku illustrate logo tu.. and suruh su lukis kat kain. Sbb dia mmg pandai lukis. So aku ngan wan … warna logo tu… 

Lepas habis tu, cipta cheers AS ALWAYS… HEH. So disebabkan diorang xde idea.. so aku pon terpaksa guna cheers masa plkn. Yg Charlie.. yg si bazil cipta tu.. guna lagu we were rock you.. hahaha klau xsalah. 

Hari kedua, solat pastu makan. Lepas tu start ngan pembentangan logo ngn cheers. Start dgn kumpulan azah. Kumpulan AZZAHRAWI. Tokoh pembedahan moden. Dalam kumpulan tu ada, azah – razi dan byk first year. Then kumpulan IBNU SINA= luqman, yond, fatialia dll. Then kumpulan aku. Pastu kumpulan ALFATEH. Ohh ye lupa… semalam (hari first) ada lantikan penghulu dan penghulu wati. Penghulu = YOND – WANHAKIM. Penghuluwati – SALWA – FARZANA – AKU…. HIKHOK………

Lepas perbentangan ada, taichi kejap. Ni abang Daniel tu leads. Masa dia ajar.. aku buat betol2 sbb dia akan panggil sape yang salah kedepan dan kena denda. Pastu aku buat la leklok… aku xtau awat si abang AA tu macam dh target aku… so, aku nmpak dia cari kesalahan aku. So, aku pon buat dengan bersungguh2. 

Lepas habis. Abang Daniel panggil 3 orang yg salah tu… pastu dia Tanya laaa… ada yg volunteer x… aku mmg xnak la… pastu tetiba abng aa panggil nama aku… FATINI NAK… aku pon.. terbeliak mata terus geleng2. Pastu abg Daniel Tanya . nak tak.. aku geleng lagi… lepas taichi ada senaman menari… haha dengan lagu, JEPUN TOOTY TA… damn… hahha, klau nk tau… g search youtube. Nasib lag utu xstuck dlm kepala aku. Hampeh…

Lepas tu ada explorace, dimana 1^st station ada 2 soalan. Dia bagi kepingan untuk bentukkan rumah dan anak panah… yg rumah tum mg kami stuck… even abg AA dtg tolong pon… dia nk tolong mula2 sbb kitorang je yg xlepas lg umah tu. So dia pon tolong… lepas belek2 sana sini… tetiba dia gelak… HAIH SUSAH GAKK.. haprak abg ni. 

Tetiba kitorang main2. Dapat yg anak panah dulu… pastu baru umah… even lambat… xsangka kitorang yg kedua keluar dari 1^st station. 2^nd station, dia bagi paku. Suruh seimbangkan. Yg ni salah yg buat. So, terus menang… just bape minit je… tetiba abng Daniel yg jaga tu terus. Terkejut sbb cepat sangat. Hahahaha

Next 3^rd station ada dia bagi pingpong dan kertas. Buat bridge utk bola tu masuk dalam cawan polistrene. Time ni kitorg leads. Lepas tukitorg lepas. Then, dia suruh solat asar n makan tea. Jp… pastu. Sambung dgn last station.. dia bg paper untuk buat roda cam tank tu… semua kena berjalan dalam tu… hahahaha// lepas habis tu… ingat dah habissss????

Tetiba ada pakck garang ni… dia suruh merangkak bawah besi dan ada lumpur bawah tu… basah la baju aku ngok!!!!!!! Tapi aku cm suka buat. Mmg aku teringin masalahnya malu. Luqman kat depan tu.. tgk.. aku suh wan hakiom g dulu… last2 dia nk g skali ngan aku.. dah la dia cepat… habis die percikkan semua lumpur kat muka aku.

Lepas habis tu, ingat dh xde dah… lepas tu ada lagi part yg dia bagi satu bendera Malaysia dan byk batang paip dan beberapa gulung tali raffia.. (betul ke ejaan tu).. keje dia suh dirikan bendera tu setinggi boleh… jgn pegang Cuma ada tali je.

Lepas tu, aku mandi kolam… malam tu ada dinner barbeque… lepas tu plak… macam debat,,, sbb masa explorace tu, ada satu rules yg ada..

1-      Kamu hendaklah ikat kaki 3 orang sehingga habis game.\

2-      Kamu wajib jaga lilin dan lilin wajib dinyalakan sehingga habis game.

So, ada team yg bukak tali dan ada yang tak bukak… so basically, ni untuk debat mana yg betul.. bukak atau tak.. lepas 1 jam berlangsungnya debat… maka, ustaz azlan Tanya, LEPAS DEBAT NI… ADA SESIAPA YG NAK KELUAR GRUP.. ohh aku masuk grup geng yg xbukak. Grup yg bukak hanya grup ibnu sina… pastu tiba2 Abang AA panggil nama aku… FATINI NAK MASUK GRUP SANA KAN… pastu semua tgk aku… aku pon geleng laaa…. Mandai jee………

ya Allah… aku takut

8/11/2017   1:00 am

Aku rasa aku patut lupakan dia laaa… ya Allah… aku takut… serious aku takut… kalua benda ni jadi mcm kat plkn. Aku patut jangan ikutkan hati.. aku patut lupakan apa yang terjadi… aku takut. Aku x bersedia/. Aku malas. And aku malas nk nangis lagi… Ya Allah… kenapa laaaa kau datangkan dia dlm hidup aku… aku hanya orang biasa… haihhhhh.. aku rasa aku patut bgtau diorang supaya stop sebut nama dia depan aku… astarghfirullah

kem memperkasa diri

petanda apa ni

31/10/2017 isnin

I don’t know why when I met him. I suddenly feel hatred. Hate to see him. Today, I met him at UMBI café. Okay, after eat all this thing, he came out with his friend … then, yes, he looked at me… and I feel so angry on how he looks… whats wrong with you… is it necessary for you to gaze for a long time??? Heh… I do realized cuz I know it…. You dah nape… did I did something wrong????

aigoo full set formal attire really kills me

27/10/2017 jumaat

Yesterday I having an event mandate sukem… I managed the multi things. Well including the song, video and PowerPoint slide. That’s my first attempt on having a very serious and important job. Well I did some mistakes, at first… after few rehearsal… I manage to conduct the multi perfectly… applause for me plisss… hahahha thanks…

But that’s not my points to write here… the point is … I am so glad that there’s Hz was there also. He volunteered himself to be emcee. And with lisa. Yes I did jealous. But whole rehearsal and event… they don’t talk so much… just like strangers… so I don’t mind muahahahaha

I wanted to say hi… but im too shy. Haha… cant u noticed how I act if I was there and try to approach him… if.. if… he doesn’t reply or react… that might be too much embarrassing… hahahha

He was too cute…. Serious!!! My weakness… I cant see man in full formal suit. Blazer and tie. That fuckin attire… really makes my heart dudududdududu… like shit!

Hahahaha… throughout the event and rehearsal… I cant keep my eyes away from him… hahahaha even though my job are too important… and need 200% concentration… in case if I don’t want any mistakes happen. But I cant control my ‘lust’… hahahahha

baru seminggu xjumpa... angau nak mati

dia... setelah 2 tahun, aku susah nak cari pengganti I... dia muncul.... dia punya kewujudan memang membuatkan aku benci. aku selalu merengus benci bila dia ada... tapi dalam diam.... hujung hati aku,, aku rindu dia... tapi bila saat aku terserempak dengan dia tanpa sedar atau tanpa keinginan.... aku macam angau...

apa kau buat weyh... hari ni 25/10/17 rabu... lepas lecture, aku nk g toilet... panaskan tangan... bila aku keluar... aku jumpa kau. ok that time, mata kau dan mata aku bertembung... masing2 tengok... lama...

tercengang ke weyh... kalau aku, aku macam kena pukau... tetiba freeze.. ngekkkkkk

mata kau... buat aku meracau laaa... nape hari ni aku tgk kau... macam hensem, xmacam sebelom ni... mungkin sebab ni first time aku tengok kau pakai kemeja... warna back white stripes.. aku plak baju hitam and kelabu... see,, jodoh le tu. aminnn...

tapi bila pikir plak.... macam xnakkkk... dia muda setahun

damn wan damnnnn

😫😫😫😫😫😫😱😱😱😱😱😱😈😈😈😈

hahaha even kawan pon xpaham hati kau

yeah ive already told my friend about you... on how you help me to get his attention... but why... the way you acted... just like... okk, ive read somewhere,,, if u love someone... you willing to help her/him to make her/him happy.... and yes..

you did everything for me... just to make him knew me. yes ... it successful and totally makes me feels good having you as my friends..

all the stories ive told to my friends... they just curious how exactly... your feeling towards me...

muahahahaha... even me .. i dont know what youre thinking.

if men think women are complicated. dehhh me as a woman. (its hard to called myself woman)

for me it is hard to understand men's feeling. nanana... still i dont knoww..

diorang dah semakin BESAR DAN TINGGI dari aku...

well Besar dan tinggi di sini... is not meant that they are becoming bigger. it is a sentences on how to say... now become successful than me...

yeah I did jealous... somehow/.... yes since primary school i crush on him... F1 and H1....
(That time im not watching flower boys yet... so its my idea first on how to called them without anyone knows,,,)

they become more and more successful.... whattttt

but i do really hope that one day... please let fate meet us in aright time.... i wanna shows that I can. I can do it...\

i am not the same like before...

haiihhhh....

every night before sleep.... i will keep on remember on how embarrassing I am when I was younger..

hahahaha\\ if I would like to list down.... maybe... its too much...

but i do really hope... someday, we will meet in a good time....

Justin bieber - never say never... really suits me now....

muahahahahaha

kejam tol... kot ye pon jangan la gebang gitu skali. sis x suka

10:51 pm 23/10/2017

Sumpah malu giler…. Hampeh xkan dia xingat aku langung… aku tau dia tau aku ni repeaters… tapi awat dia saje je Tanya aku kenal jiji ke tak!!!!!!!! Tapi memang bila aku jumpa dia…. Terus gila awkward,,, punya la beria nak jumpa dia… muahahahaha

Okkk it’s a bit kinda “perasan skit’ since… yeah I can understand if he kinda friendly but… seriously he asked me from where… bla bla… I said from perak. Then ask again perak where… I said from manjung… okkk that’s it…

Okkk it might like he don’t know my name but after he saw my face at first meeting damn…. Am I agaqin perasan sendiri or its reality that you are looking at me… HAHAHAHA …

Okkkk again at first taafuf of RIMD… you said want to having taaruf first… ok,,, so introduction first… cuz u said u didn’t know any of us… okkk

But why before intro, u said u want to ask question and suddenly u said “ okay wan fatini… boleh awak terangkan apa yang awak paham tentang program ni…."

Kau dah nape… at first u said u xkenal my name… after a few minutes before ice breaking and taaruf all that… u know my full name ( of koss without my full name , my dad name laaa)..

Nandato….

Sumpahh that’s very awkward.. I cant look at his face… hahahahahahahha… I really hope its doesn’t happens same as in national services… how I met him.

Serious… ive read somewhere… that it said if u love someone with redha Allah… that love never die… yes I agreed that I love him because I love him because he was pious.

But now…. Everything gone….

That boy so called GORENG PISANG

That time i was eating with su,  farzana n mesh.  We went to umbi for the second time and ordered char kuew teow.  Okay we sat and chatted waiting for meals.  In front of me was a group of first year boys. 

How do i know?  Damn please,  they sat in front of me.  Or u just say,  opposite me.  So,  i can see clearly what they were doing.  And one of the boy that sat opposite me was azhan. 

I realized what they were doing.  They kept on talking and looking at us and laughed.  That time i still didnt told my friends cuz maybe i was wrong.  So,  whenever i talk with su,  i obviously can see them. Clearly.  Crystal clear.  

And i still can't get it.  Wth azhan kept looking at me.  Damn.  If u saying that im just dreaming.  Dehhh have you been in a moment when your eyes meet with someone..  And do you think that person are not looking at u? 

Beside azhan,  theres adam , amir hakim and azam. And now i realized all of them has name started with A. hahahhaa coincidence maybe. 

Then our meals arrived.  While eating.  Mesh saw someone bringing pisang goreng to the boys.  And she wanted to buy that as well. 

Wtf...  U know what.  She was shouting asking for goreng pisang.  Like hell.  Is she too hungry that too desperate need that pisang goreng.  Then she asked that she wanted the pisang goreng on mak cik's hand.  That mak cik said  this goreng pisang for the boys. 

Like fuck... It's too embarrassing... Huh

And u know what the boys kept on looking and laughed.  Damn.  Fucking damn

Then the mak cik returned and give the pisang goreng to boys.  And came towarda me and asked how much we want the pisang goreng . She asked the price.  4 for rm1. And he asked for rm5 and asking for extra.  Damn shit... 

Then,  after that mak cik gone ... The boys stood up and one of them came to us.  He gave the pisang goreng and he asked to finished cuz they have class after that. 

I was totally speechless and froze.  

That boy amir hakim.  Damn hahahhaa

Again for how many times... Like what?!!!

I dreamt about someone that will be my future hb.  I was a doctor in that scene. (How i wish this things can end asap)  and i was not feeling well that time.  He (that future hb)  was in charge on take care on me. Like what?  He had another patient but he insisted to treat me. 

That time he was on another patient.  That time i already felt better and decided to run away.  How can on the way to run away,  i fainted and laying on the floor...  Like wth.  

I heard a noise came from someone nagging.  I tried to open my eyes.  N saw him.  Nagging bout me.  Hahaha.  Then,  (i think this part was about we were having a preparation for marriage.. Damn.)  

Theres a game that we need to test our partner.  (Beside me,  theres another couple who will have their marriage together). 

I told my future hb to learn speak kelantanese and he quite unhappy and wanted to declined the quest but several seconds then,  he smiled widely.  This time i knew I'm fucked.  

As for him,  he asked me to do a favor . He asked me to kiss him and say how much i love him in front of other members (like hell man,  all our big family are here, although it was a dream only,  still feels fuckin embarrassing) 

At first i dont want to do it but then he stood up and slowly came toward me.  Nooooo.  He said, "darling...  U started this first and u take yours. " smiled and slowly come towards me.  I tried to run but he managed to catch me and he pulled me in somewhere else that others cannot see us.  Damn he hugged me tightly and forcing me to kiss him.

But then im awake as someone called me.  Damn.  Always disturbs when climax. Hahahahhaha

how i wish this can be true

24*9*2017

Thats day.  I was dreaming about someone that are in love with me. And yes.  I love him as well.  But there's something about it.  Like neither one of us were trying to tell the truth.  Like damn-shit-how-can-I-told-him the real feeling of mine.  But yes,  we were trying after that and i dont understand why did he or me just accept or declare or confessed that we both have the same fuckin feeling.  

And he was trying to find me.  But you know me,  whenever  it relates to creatures so called as GUY or MALE.  Im totally sucks at it.  It's  like Im the loser.  Hahaha.  I'll be the one who runs  a lot.  And trying to resist or to argue the real feeling....  

But at last,  i realized  how important  he is.  And i tried to find him and tell him everything.... 

Finally  i stuck  at this place (ballroom), i think. Theres a lot of people wearing dress and masquerade. Damn.  How can I find him in these people.  Then,  i feel like really in a mood of giving up.  And then,  i turned back.  Suddenly (yeah a real cliche moment)  the room was dark and people were whispering asking what is happening.  And then,  light switched on and first thing  i saw was him.  Holding a bouquet of flowers (red roses) and smiling at me.  He started to walk towards me and I was really messed up and try to walk away.  But he intended to stop me.  And he told his feeling tho.  And after that i (also)  told the truth... 

Happy ever after

Shit

what the heck is that

[3:01 AM, 8/29/2017]


 That time.  I attending a program  on umrah...  So...  Around last hour for ceramah..  Suddenly my eyes gazing at someone familiar...  I tried to recognize  who he was.  But I failed.  Until.  Ustaz was in the middle of surau and I looked at ustaz at first while listening to what he said.  Then suddenly accidentally my eyes met that familiar-looking-man.  He kept on looking at me.  And I was what.  What was that looking for. Then mom said that the man was looking at us for a long time...  Seriously!

i know im over react. but after that 1st session, we had like rest session. and this one makcik like asked me, when i queued to take some food. she noticed tht man like watching me. and she asked me, wether i knew him or not. so like i obviously didnt knew that man.

and my habit of easily forget someone's face... cant be taken lightly. sumpah, dia familiar. mcm aku kenal. tapi aku x ingat sape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ke dia nampak ada hantu bertenggek belakang aku ahahhahahaha jkjk

Mimpi kali cm drama tv3

Aku ada mimpi... nk kata lawak gak la.... selalu nyaaa... aku mimpi ... mesti romantic gitu... kadang2 je... yg seram hahaha...yg seram xnak cerita... nnti laaa....

Berbalik ke mimpi ni... mula2 aku ada suka sorang laki ni... lets called him A... bila A ni dah nk tunang ngan kawan baik aku sendiri.. aku mmg awal2 tarik diri sbb aku aku tau dia lagi layak. Aku ni jenis yg agak kelelakian sikit.. so.. aku xkisah pon...

Ya.. aku tinggal ngan diorang dalam satu rumah... dengan keluarga kawan aku ni... called her B. Parent B sangat baik ngan aku... aku ni cam dah dianggap sbgai anak bagi diorang.

Bila diorg dh kawin. Aku rasa happy sangat... sbb aku mmg dh anggap dia sbgi abang ipar aku.. and dah xde perasaan suka tu lagi...

Then. Tiba2 ada sorang laki ni datang dari mana tahh... tiba2 duduk sementara kat rumah tu.. aku xtau laaa... kenapa dia nak berkawan aku sgt ngn aku. Tapi aku xlayan.

Aku mmg tgh best main game tu... then dia selalu kacau aku.. ntah laaa.. aku xlayan sgt...

Then satu hari ni... dia kata dia suka aku..  pastu dia gelak... aku assumed dia just main2 cuz cara dia confessed tu main2 gelak2... so aku ignore.

Tiba2... ada satu benda terjadi... A ngan B bergaduh... atas sbb apa.. aku xpasti.

Tiba2 ada sorang perempuan ni dia kata... aku yg punca masalah diorang sbb aku tikam belakang B kawan baik aku sendiri aku. Dia kata aku yg goda A sbb dah lama aku suka A...

Aku terkejut.. dari mana dia tau... tapi benda tu dah lama.. and aku tak terpikir nak tikam kawan baik aku sendiri... and aku dah tak suka kat A dah...

Masa ni... aku terkelu. A ngan B pandang aku... minta penjelasan. C pandang aku.. dan dia pegang tangan aku... mibta penjelasan... dia tanya betul ke aku suka A... A plak kata... betul ke... cuma B yang senyap...

Aku pandang semua orang pastu.. aku kata laaa.. bukan tu semua tipu fitnah...

Tapi diorang still ragu... Aku pandang B minta dia paham apa yg aku cuba cakap... aku harap dia percaya aku.. tapi dia hanya senyap dan pandang aku...

Aku time tu dah nk nangis. C terus desak aku... A mula nak melangkah pergi ke arah aku... A kata... BETUL KE APA YANG DIA KATA...YG AWAK SUKA SAYA...

Aku pandang A.. kemudian B... B terkejut dengan tingkah laku A... aku dah takut.. takut kalau B salah paham...

Aku terus kata TAK.. AKU XSUKA SIAPA2... DIA TIPU... SORRY B... BUKAN SALAH AKU...

then aku menangis terus keluar dari rumah tu... masa aku lari.. aku nampak C kejar aku...

Aku terus lari.. sampai laaa aku jumpa satu rumah banglo warna biru ni... aku terkejut.. aku terus teringat sesuatu tapi tak jelas... yang pasti rumah ni macam ada something yg ada kaitan ngan aku... aku pon masuk ... mula nya. Aku cuma nak lari dari C.

Bila masuk halaman garaj rumah tu... aku terus terkedu ngan suasana dalam garaj tu... ada satu taman permainan. .. ya.. dia ingat semua ni... tapi kenapa dgn umah tu...

Aku bagi salam... bila tuan rumah tu keluar... C sampai... aku paksa dia diam.

Aku tanya tuan rumah ni... dia ada anak perempuan yg suka dengan kartun games tak... pakcik tu terus berubah muka.. dan senyap... dia tanya kenapa tanya...

Aku kata... bila dia nmpk rumah ni.. dia rasa something and bila masuk... dia nmpak permainan yg dia suka...

Dia kata... anak saya dah xde.. dah 15tahun dah dia pergi...

Aku terkejut... aku tanya.. agak2 skang ni.. umur dia berapa...

25 thn..

Aku terkejut ya..
 Tu umur aku.. xkan aku anak dia... tapi aku pon... ckp terima kasih dan keluar. Aku heret C sekali.

Bila kami keluar.. C cakap... apa yg berlaku. Tu family kau ke...,? Aku geleng... aku kata AKU TAK TAU WEI.. AKU XPASTI... TAPI.. KENAPA AKU RASA ADA BENDA YG TAK KENA...Aku menangis... baru je C nak pujuk aku.. tiba2 A datang ... dia meluru ke aku...terus tarik tangan aku... muka dia serius...

Dia tanya aku.. betul ka apa yg perempuan td tu ckp...

Aku terkejut.. C cuba tarik balik tangan aku... tapi A jeling tajam...KAU JANGAN MASUK CAMPUR.

Aku terkejut..  cuba tarik tangan aku... tapi pegangan dia terlalu kuat...

Aku marah... KAU BUAT APA KAT SINI... AKU DAH KATA KAN... YG AKU XSUKA KAU.. KENAPA KAU TINGGAL KAN B... KAU NAK BAGI DIA SEDIH KE... DAH LAA... PERGI KAT B... AKU DAH KATA TU TIPU.

A gelak.. dia kata kalau aku x tipu... kenapa aku lari

Ya... kenapa aku la aku lari.. nmpak sgt aku yg tipu...

Aku bohong.. AKU LARI BUKAN SEBAB AKU TIPU... AKU LARI SEBAB AKU TERKEJUT... TAK SANGKA. KAWAN AKU SENDIRI... YANG DAH DIANGGAP KAKAK DAN ABANG SENDIRI... TAK PERCAYA CAKAP AKU...

Dia terkejut. Dan aku terus tarik tangan aku... aku kata lagi... DAH LAA... NI MASALAH KORANG.. JANGAN BABITKAN AKU.. PERGI KE B.. JANGAN SAKIT KAN HATI DIA.. SKANGNI.. KITA DAH XDE PAPE.. XSANGKA.. PERCAYA KAN ORANG LUAR DARI ADIK SENDIRI... OWHH LUPA.. AKU ANAK PUNGUT... BUKAN ADIK KORANG..SORRY..

Lepas aku kata.. aku pergi dari mereka yg tgh tercengang... aku menangis lg.. nasib baik aku dah kerja... mungkin aku boleh hidup sendiri.

Aku sebenarnya.. terkilan dengan B.. sanggup dia buat aku cam ni.. biarlaa ... aku dah xnak ada kena apa2 ngan diorang.. aku nak lari..

Sakpai je kat rumah B. Masih ada lagi ramai yg ada kat rumah tu dari insiden aku lari tadi. Semua tatap aku berjalan kearah mak B... aku salam dia.. minta ampun.. minta halal semua makan minum. Aku jumpa ayah nya pula. Terima kasih sbb sudi amik jadi anak angkat.

Tanpa berpaling ke arah B. Aku pergi ke bilik aku. Aku kemas semua barang aku.. bersama 2 bagasi yg besar aku keluar.

Bukan aku nk putuskan silaturrahim. Cuma aku xnak dah ganggu hubungan A ngan B.

Bila aku keluar.. A dan C.. terkejut.. A pergi ke arah aku.. NAK PERGI MANA NI... XKAN NK TINGGALKAN ABANG.. aku nampak C merah muka.. dia meluru ke arah A.. dan C tumbuk A... dan jerit. KAU DAH ADA B... KAU XAKAP APA HAH JANTAN TAK GUNA...

Aku terkejut.. tapi aku biarkan. Aku berlalu dan aku rasa yg C ikut aku... aku dh xpeduli.. aku masukkan barang aku kedalam kereta aku... bila aku start kereta ... C masuk ke tempat sebelah pemandu. Aku suruh dia keluar... dia kata.. biar la.. time ni dia nak ikut aku. Dia pujuk aku...

Aku dah malas nk gaduh so.. aku terus kan keluar dari rumah tu... aku pndang sekilas ke rumah tu.. mak B menangis dan dipujuk suaminya. A terduduk melihat aku pergi ngn C. Dan B... aku lihat dia menangis di tepi pintu.

Aku kata... SELAMAT TINGGAL B.. SEMOGA KAU BAHAGIA NGAN A.. MAAF MAK DAN AYAH...
Aku tau C terkejut. Dia kata KAU NAK LARI MANA NI ... JANGAN TINGGALKAN AKU.. AKU SUKA KAU... XSANGGUP AKU KALAU KAU XDE NANTI...

Aku gelak.. sbb bagi aku... aku rasa dia cuma nak sejukkan hati aku je.. TAK PE . C... KAU AKU XKAN BUANG. CUMA APA YG BERLAKU SKANGNI. AKU MOHON KAU TUTUP MULUT JGN BAGITAU SAPE2... TERMASUK KELUARGA B. SBB KAU KAWAN AKU.

Aku pergi ke arah rumah aku yg aku sewakan utk kegunaan orang lain. Aku masuk kemas bilik. Dan aku lihat C berdiri bersandar di pagar rumah baru aku... xkan aku nak biarkan dia masuk.. bukan mahram.

Aku keluar dan ajak dia masuk kereta.. then.. aku pergi ke kedai fon. Beli no.tel baru. Dan aku berikan no.tel baru aku ke C.

C kata WEI AKU DAH BYK KALI KATA YG AKU SUKA KAU... NAPE KAU XPERNAH BALAS APA2... KAU INGAT AKU MAIN2 KE.. AKU MMG NAK KAWIN NGAN KAU..

Aku terkejut... aku pandang dia minta penjelasan ... ya.. aku tau dh byk kali dia kata.. tapi anggap tu hanya main2..

Aku gelak. Aku kata.. AKU INGAT INGAT KAU MAIN2. SORRY TAPI BAGI AKU NI CEPAT SANGAT... BAGI AKU MASA...

Dia mengeluh... dia kata OK APA YG KAU NAK AKU BUAT UTK BUATKAN KAU PAHAM KEIKHLASAN HATI AKU..

Aku gelak... kemudian aku kata. KALAU KAU DAPAT KALAHKAN AKU DALAM GAME DOTA.. AKU TERIMA KAU.. HAHA

Aku hanya bergurau... tapi dia dah senyum... dia kata.. OK .. BAGI AKU SEMINGGU UNTUK BERLATIH DAN TEPAT TARIKH HARI JADI AKU.. KITA LAWAN. DAN AKU AKAN PASTIKAN KAU JADI MILIK AKU ... HAHAHA...

Aku gelak sbb aku tau yg aku akan menang sbb masa u dulu.. aku sering masuk pertandingan ni..

Kemudian aku setuju... dan aku bawa dia makan. Kemudian hantar dia balik.

Pada tarikh pertandingan itu... dia pakai baju warna biru pekat dan aku warna biru laut.. dia senyum.. JODOH KITA KUAT... AWAK... aku gelak.

Kita xlawan lagi... lepas tu... kami pergi ke tempat yg telah siap preparation utk games ni... of course laa cc berdekatan... kemudian.. lepas bebwrapa round. Akhir nya aku menang. Dia dh muram.. aku gelak...

Kemudian dia kata... SEKALI LAGI PLISSS... AKU INGAT KAU NAK BAGI AKU MENANG.. TAPI...

DAH XDE TAPI2... SKANGNI DAH DEAL. AKU MENANG. SO... JOM BALIK... sebelum balik.. aku pergi restoran kegwmaran dia.. aku belanja makanan kegemaran dia... dia hanya muram dan aku je yg gelak...

Kemudian... dia capai tangan aku... WEI AKU NAK KAWIN NGAN KAU... KAU TAU KAN.. AKU TUNGGU KAU DARI MULA2 AKU JUMPA KAU LAGI... TOLONG... KATA YES...

Aku kata makan dulu...vthen bincang... lepas makan.. aku hantar dia balik.. aku kata bagi masa.. nak pikir...

Sebenarnya aku dh setuju nk kawin. Cuma bagi aku.. saje nak test dia je..

Malam tu pukul 12.. dia call aku... AWAK.. SAYA SUKA AWAK... SUKA DENGAN PERANGAI AWAK YG X HIPOKRIT. TAK BERMUKA MUKA. TAPI AWAK SANGAT BAIK. SANGAT BAIK SAMPAIKAN ADA YG NK PIJAK KEPALA AWAK. AWK ... SAYA SUKA AWAK SBB SAYA IKHLAS SUKA AWK.. SY TAK KISAH.. SIAPA AWAK. APA KETURUNAN AWAK... YG PENTING SAYA TAU AWAK BAIK.. DAN LAGI BAGUS DARI PEREMPUAN LUAR YG TERGWDIK GEDIK NGAN LAKI ... SAYA SUKA AWAK IKHLAS. SAYA CINTAKAN AWAK... PLEASE  TERIMA SAYA...

aku balas INSYAALLAH... KALAU ALLAH DAH BUKA HATI SAYA... SAYA CALL AWAK.. AS SOON AS POSSSIBLE. THANKS SBB PERCAYA SAYA.. SAYA MINTA DIRI DULU... ASSALAMAMUALAIKUM

lepas aku tutup fon..  aku tersenyum... yerkenang karenah.. dia yg kacau aku time aku masih berada di rumah B. Dia selalu nk berkepit ngan aku... tapi aku selalu lari...

Setelah lama.. aku seyum sendiri.. aku melihat jam.. pukul dua pagi.. aku mandi. Solat hajat dan baca alquran... aku tau.. dia baik...

Tepat pukul 3.45... aku call dia... dia jawab mamai.. NAPE CALL PAGI2 BUTA NI.. ASTARGHFIRULLAH.. 3.45 NI CIK ADIK OI... aku gelak...

AWAK MINTA MAAF... SORRY KACAU. AWAK.
.......

SAYA RASA SAYA TERIMA CINTA AWAK.. SAYA SETUJU NK JADI ISYERI AWAK.

kemudian aku dengar dia jerit sekuat hati... tak sempat dia kata apa2... aku letak panggilan.

Aku hantar wasap.. BETUL APA YG AKU CKP. CUMA SKANGNI. JANGAN CALL AKU... MALU!!! JANGAN CALL...TUNGGU AKU DAH LEGA NNTI...
BYE.. BAKAL ZAUJ.. BAKAL IMAM.

Aku hantar terus.. dan dia baca wasap tu terus aku off fon..

Aku bangun... solat tahajjud.. baca alquran. .

Byk sgt benda yg dah berlaku..

termasuk laaa dengan pakcik yg aku rasa dia itu ayah aku...

Dari crush jauh2 pergi ke hubungan kawan.

Kawan baik

Aku kenal dia masa form 1 kot... rasanyaa laaa... xingat. Then... lepas spm... aku dapat plkn. Once aku masuk plkn... aku nk berubah. Aku nak mendekati islam... yaaa tu matlamat aku.. sbb ayah aku cakap time plkn.. dia ada banyak ajar keagamaan skit... so... once aku sampai kat plkn seberang perai...

Dah register nama. Kad bank. Check barang dan ukur tinggi berat semua tu... so dia suh pergi dorm 6. Aku pon pergi... bila pergi tu... aku dh cuak.. ni kat mana ni... dah laaa aku sorang2... tetiba baru aku perasan yg aku dh masuk zon panas hahaha... rupanya aku masuk dorm lelaki rupanya...

Aku pon terus patah balik... otw nak g cari mana dorm perempuan ni... ada orang panggil aku... EHHH WAN... KAU PON KAT SINI GAK KE... Ya Allah... H... haha

Time tu aku dh lega sbb atleast ada yg aku kenal... aku pon senyum dan terus berlalu ke jalan yg benar. So... lepas letak barang... aku kena amik bantal selimut dan cadar... nasib sampai awal... sempat laaa cari yg bersih dari peta dunia dan yang penting gebu... lepas tu g balik bilik...

Lepas aku kemas bilik.... aku pon baca laa yasin sbb aku takot aku xde orang yg nak kawan ngan aku...... alhamdulillah.... dorm 6 aku paling friendly dan sporting.... memang kena ngan kepala aku...

Talk about H just now.... ya aku admitted memang aku ada crush kat dia since form 1... tapi sekadar suka tgk je la... xde jauh sangat sbb aku pon xpnh cakap ngan dia.... but he knows my name so... I bet that will be enough for me...

And bila dh start kelas pagi.... alhamdulillah aku dapat satu kelas ngn H. Dia pon... punya laaa friendly gila ngan aku... kadang aku pikir gak. Kenapa dia punya suka nyembang ngan aku... selalu luahkan perasaan dia kat aku... meaning... semua benda dia nak cerita .... and time tu aku xkenal siapa Y sebenarnya... H yg kenalkan kat aku... siapa Y .... dia yg paksa aku berkenalan ngn Y (maksud kat sini... amik tahu pasal Y)

Seriap hari kelas pagi mesti dia duk sebelah aku... kadang2 je... ada yg amik port dia... oh ye.. aku ada satu kumpulan safwan... so.. aku xnk described byk pasal safwan. Xde guna pon.

So... memang H pantang jumpa aku... mesti ada je dia nk nyembang.. sampaikan semua masalah dia ... dia nak sembang... homesick laa. Rambut kena gunting laaa.. kuoit kusam. Xde pencuci muka yg sesuai.. ayat dia.. yg selalu dia sebut.. WAN ... MUKA AKU DH HITAM... KUSAM.. NNTI XDE SAPE YG NAK NGAN AKU.... atau WAN... AKU RINDU MAK AKU... NAK BALIK... KAU XHOMESICK KE WAN... atau WEYH.. XSUKA LAA KAWAD... NNTI HITAM.. DAH LAAA KENA POTONG RAMBUT... NNTI XHENSEM...

Sampai kan rahsia dia pon... dia nak cerita ... dia ada kapel. Tapi dia xbagitau org... tapi dia bagitau aku. Hahaha.. rahsia dia crush kat budak pompuan pon ada.

Semua gosip kat sekolah... yg aku xtau... dia ceritakan...

Ya ... aku pernah suka dia... mula2 memang aku suka dia... tPi lama2 aku dh anggap dia cm adik aku... memang dh hilang rasa suka.... nasib baik... kalau tidak mesti aku yg sakit...

 Susah laaa kalau nak kawan dgn budak hot... serious aku repeat ....SAKIT HATI KOT... KALAU RAPAT NGAN BUDAK... TAPI MUKA KAU CM TAHI AYAM
.. ....

Pasal aku rapat ngn H ni... xbanyak sangat yg dengki sbb.. H xcakap and xlayan pompuan lain selain aku...maksud aku... dia susah nk senyum atau sembang... melainkan aku... and lama2 baru dengan member aku... aisyah. Nas.

Ada satu hari tgh lawatan keluarga. Aku bertugas. Dia pon bertugas.. aku order air blended time tu... tiba2 benjol datang... WAN AKU NAK TANYA.... KAU DENGAN H KAPEL KE... SBB BUKAN APA... AKU TGK DIA XHABIS2 DOK KEPIT NGAN KAU... aku pon gelak terbahak2... aku pandang sekeliling.. tgk ada x aisyah sbb... aisyah crush dengan H ni...nkang xpasal jeles. ... aku tau aisyah tau apa perasaan aku. Dia tau yg aku hanya anggap dia as adik je.. kadang2 abang.. sbb dia banyak tolong aku...

Lepas aku gelak... datang lagi 2 orang... WEI BETUL LAAA... H SELALU DUK NYEMBANG PASAL KAU KAT DORM... TU YG AKU INGAT KAU NGAN DIA KAPEL. PERGHHH...

Aku pon mcm mati akal. Sbb time tu aku dh suka Y. Bukan A dah.... pasal A nnti aku cerita.

Ya... sampai laaa habis plkn... aku dok rapat ngan dia... mungkin lepas gosip yg aku suka Y tu... tersebar. Baru la gosip psl aku ngan H hilang... aku xtipu... ni semua betul

Bila aku suka Y.... H selalu cm support aku... apa2 pasal Y... semua nk report... hahahha

Terima kasih... sbb pilih aku as kawan kau... thanks sbb byk tolong aku... thanks sbb sudi sembang ngan kau... sorry kalau ada prnh crush kat kau... walaupon skangni dh xde...

Aisyah ada ckp... masa dia ngan H tgh chat... H dok cerita pasal aku... dia kata macam2 termasuk laaa.. yg mitos yang mengatakan... WAN NI SEBENARNYA BANYAK TAU PEMINAT DIA. CUMA DIA JE JUAL MAHAL... AKU PON PERNAH SUKA WAN... TAPI TU LAAA... SUSAH NAK SENYUM HAHAHAHA

Aku pon gelak je... xnak hurai apa2 sbb... dah laa H g cakap kat aisyah ... takot ada yg marah....

Sorry aisyah... percaya laaa.. aku dh xde perasaan kat dia dah....

Ohh ye masa plkn aku xde wasap lg... sbb aku xde fon... fon yg aku bawak tu pon 3310... yg mak aku punya... tapi dia sanggup habiskan topap dia... semata2 nk mesej ngan aku... hahaha sorry.. selalu gak laaa... dia mesej...

Thanks for being my friend H

Haihhh... kadang2 mimpi pon boleh jadi angau sehari suntuk

Aku mimpi yg aku ada suh adik aku beli makanan kat bawah. Tapi dia xgi... last2 aku turun kt kfc. Ada satu menu ni. Harga 24 hinggit. Tapi yg best nya if aku dpt habiskan semua ni dlm masa 1 jam... it will be free... so aku pon order yg tu... then adik aku dtg.... OWH MAKAN KFC XAJAK. So aku suh adik aku order apa yg dia nak.. menu ni ada 3 jenis. Spagetti. ayam kfc. Nasi ayam. Salad. So... bilq makanan aku sampai... aku start laa makan... then tetiba ada sorang laki ni datang. TEPI AWAK NI KOSONG KE?? BOLEH DUDUK?  Aku just hmmm duk laa. Punya fokus nk perabih makanan tu...

Then. Dia plak asyik usha aku. Last2 aku bangun duduk tepi adik aku. Masa aku makan tu.... dia xorder makanan... just usha aku makan. Then tetiba dia tanya akau soalan. AWAK NAK TANYA.. AWAK KENAL KE LAKI YG KAT GATE TU... aku toleh kat dia. Dan pandang kat gate nak cari sape yg dia maksudkan. Aiks amzan. So... aku kata... tu just classmates je..

OWH YE KE... CM XCAYA JE... dia jawab.... aku just ignore sbb aku malas nk layan... plus I dont know him... so... strangers mmg aku xlayan.

Tiba2 dia ada cam kutuk amzan... aku pon cm marah laaa... defend amzan. KAU DH KENAPA TETIBA KUTUK ORANG NI. APA MASALAH KAU. dia senyum pastu. Dia ckp.. APA YG BAGUS SGT BUDAK TU BERBANDING SAYA...

aku pandang dia... dia ni biol ke?

Then that time dia cm nak marah.... dia kata AKU SUKA KAU... PAYAH SANGAT KE KAU NK PAHAM.. time tu aku stop makan and aku pandang dia... owh dia pakai kemeja cm org office... aku kata la... MASALAHNYA AKU XKENAL KAU .... JUMPA PON BARU BAPE MINIT... THEN KAU CAKAP PASAK BENDA NI... KAU JNGAT AKU NAK CAYA???

Then dia bangun. Dia pergi keluar (kat luar ada bukit) dia pergi kat situ... baru aku perasan situ ada hairie. So... mamat yg td tu. Dia start nyanyi. And hairie main guitar... de fakkk

Time aku marah hairie suruh stop.... dia ttp main sbb laki tu suruh... aku xingat apa lagu tu.... kinda something bout tge love song maybe....

Aku dah menyampah sgt2... dia still bagitau aku yg dia suka aku... dah lama dah.... cuma aku xperasan je....

Last2 aku bangun ... tarik adik aku. Keluar dari kfc.
Since aku xhabiskan menu tu....
aku g bayar laaa 24 hinggit tu and aku blah...
hahahhaha

Lepas tu ada laaa sorg akak vogue gitu.. datang jumpa aku... dia kata. DIA DAH LAMA CARI AWAK.. BANYAK KALI DIA CUBA NAK DEKAT DENGAN AWAK... TAK BOLEH KE.. AWAK BAGI PELUANG..

And what... well hello if ya pon nk kenal ... at least kenalkan diri.. bagitau tujuan. And bukan main terjah... nama pon xtau

Mungkin mainan hati

Harap niat itu sekadar berkawan.

Masa aku sem 2... ada satu program yg aku trpaksa jadi ketua ajk dana. Mula2 aku tolak sebab aku baru first year. Dan byk lg aku xtau pasal program dan apa keje yg kena aku buat. Tapi sorang laki ni... senior aku fourth year dah... putih bersih muka nya. Muka comel dan dia suka senyum. Disebabkan senyum tu laaa ... aku takut tersalah anggap.

Dia (Mr. H) klau xsilap. Dia kata... terima laaa... xpe abang tolong.. kita wat sama2... and time tu aku cm... beh caya ke...

Then.. disebabkan pengarah program tu sangat2 berharap aku terima. So... aku pon terima laaa... mana tau dpt point merit lebih.

Lepas tu... Mr.H pon minta aku punya number. Dia kata nk bagi surat rasmi dan senarai syarikat yg perlu aku contact utk dapatkan dana.

Lepas tu kata... klau ada masalah... atau xpaham. Wasap abang tau.... jangan malu2. Klau xpaham just whatsapp...

And aku pon ya kannn je.

2 bulan lebih tu.... klau ada meeting.... dia suka cm bagi idea. And dia asyik bercakap ngan aku... smpai aku pon rasa gelisah. Time tu ada syahira.... dia tgk je abang tu asyik sembang ngan aku walaupun meeting tgh dijalankan. Masalahnya... dia sering tersenyum. Dan gelak. Aku pon xtau laa nk react cm ner...

Ada masa tu... SGD ... aku terpaksa buat forum.. saje je nk test communication skills... tgh aku cari idea utk soalan2 (sbb aku ni panel. So kena sediakan soalan utk ahli2 panel yg lain.) So... time tu aku punya title based on E-CIGARETTE so... aku cari laaaa .... soalan yg berkait.

Aku pon whatsapp azim utk standby jawapan. Tapi aku salah send. Aku send kat group program lain. Aku mula2 xprasan sampai laaa Mr. H tu balas... ni e-cigarette mana ni....

So... aku dgn muka yg dh bahang dgn malu ni... balas... sorry salah send.. abaikan. Abang tu plak balas... hahahha

Tak lama lepas tu dia pm aku.

H: Nnti klau dh dpt jawapan utk soalan awk td tu.... wasap abang tau... abang nk tau...

Aku: eh2 bukan laaa... soalan tu salah send... sorry

H: xnak... nak tau jugak.... jangan lupa tau. Wasap abang jawapan tu...

Aku: ala malas laaa... ( dia ni mesti dh belajar dh sbb fourth year... dh posting KKM) okk nnti sy bagi

H: jangan lupa tau.... abang nk jawapan dia...

-------------
TapI lepas tu... aku xwasap pon dia. Sbb lagipun soalan tu sangat mudah... xpayah buat research.. even klau guna logik... still know the answer.

Sorry.... aku bukan apa... aku malas laaa.. nak layan perasaan ni....

Macam x sesuai... sbb he's too perfect!!!! Malas nk sakitkan hati

Mr.F.... Sorry ...

Xtau nok royak gapo lg. Mung dok ngaca aku lg.. kalu mu ikhlas. Aku minta maaf

Everything happened when theres around 1 month before I entered ukm. So... this happened when syaidatul akma.. a friend of addah... actually a roommate... she went to unisza. So she friends with one of the senior there. Then... I dont know but she gave my number to him. So one day... he tried to whatsapp me... so.. I just replied it... and continues until Im in second sem ... hes a bit annoying... hes like trying to getting closer to me... but you..  that I dont like this kind of thing. Well I admitted he has a good look... but still. Then he asked my pic... I didnt give him... (he asked my fb.. ig account. And I gave..) somehow... he stalked my fb. And he found my pics with addah n eima.  Then he asked me... which one is me... so. I told him that im the one who is fat and hideous with blue colour hijab. I didnt know whether he was trying to care my feelings or being sincere. He said im not that fat. And cute.

The fuck... then he asked bout my family like occupation and bla bla bla... then.. I asked him bout his siblings.... he said... he wanted a young sister in 19 y/o (that time I was in 19). So... I just laughing cuz... speechless... I know what he meant for. Then he said.... I think its good if I married wth u..

Lets skip this nonsense.. and I stopped whatsapp him. Then he keeps pm me in fb. Even kepps ws me. And next year on 1 rejab. He ws me... saying he apologies for any mistakes... and I feel like I need to be sincere to him... I told him that I dont like to ws man if not important. (Elakkan zina laaaa senang)

And then he ws me back on 1st Ramadan.... keeps saying sorry.

If u are about to read this... sorry mr. F .... im doin like u r helpless.... sorry. Gomennei....

This dream seems like I had encountered before. With....

 I was admiring him cuz he was too good and clever. then, I have completed all the tutorial (either chemistry or physics). somehow the teacher ask him to discuss with me. I was sitting with my friend. Infront of me is empty. he sat there and asked me to sit beside him. and I said., nahh sokay. I'll just sit here. and then one of friends sat there.. we're discussing and finally became a good friend. we always discussing and talk together until one day that was the last day I met him.,. we were walking together and I was a bit moody n he ask me am I alright?.. suddenly I cried. I said that after this I won't be able to see him again. I cried and all of sudden, he hugged me. and said he love since the teacher  ask him to have a group with me.  omg I was so damn happy

I had a dream on 12 March 2017

about 2 men were trying to get my attention. they always try to make me accept them... actually one of them. at first I ignored both ... at last I accept one of them... then I officially couple.. he kissed me and we were actually happy until one day, I went to toilet and something happens. I was surrounded by few people, men and women as well... I had a bad instinct.... they want to bully me cuz I couple with that man... so one of the man.. try to r*pe me.. they recorded my voice and sent it to my bf. I was scared... but I successfully escaped from there and shouted for help... all the people that surrounds me just now we're captured... one of my friends came and save me... she asked me about my bf... but he didn't appear.. that time I was wondering and sad. then, one of my friends said... my bf is actually hang out with other girl study in somewhere else... I totally sad and then, I realised that I'm stupid for believing him... then I went home and decided to clash with him. then, at one place i found an old woman selling a fruits beside the road. and I help her.. until one rich old man come and buy the fruits. after a few month I helped that old woman selling fruits.... I realised that old man didn't come anymore... I was wondering if something happens to him. then tomorrow i saw his car .. and I thought it was him... actually it was his son.. so handsome n good-looking. he buy the fruits and after few weeks, we become a good friend...let's call him ZZ ... about my ex bf, I totally ignored him and already ask for clash... I always run if I met him. then, one day one of my schoolmates saw me walking... actually she is one the ex bf'friends .... he said to him... and he shocked... as I walking to old woman house. I heard someone call my name.. as I know whos calling me... he was the ex bf, I ran to avoid him again ... then,, he still following me until I reached at one place that too dark.. im scared. suddenly someone grabbed my hand and shut my mouth... thanks goodness it was ZZ... he tried to save me from that man. after a few minutes, it seems safe for me to get out from there... I thank the ZZ and we walked together to old woman house. but again I found him .. he tried to call me and see me... but I refused until ZZ hug and kiss me Infront of him. he was shocked... he tried to ask me ... why did I avoid him and decided to clash... i told ZZ that I will talk to him... then I explained everything what happened... then, he keeps saying sorry... until I asked him to be with other girl and stop disturbing me... then, I went to house with ZZ .. and he proposed me...

21 Dec 2016

I eat breakfast with egg mayo. started class with cl.. alhamdulillah I prepared the notes n when I came to class. I can understand better. forgot to talk about what happened that night before. I went sleep at almost 3.30 am! fuckin what? yeah that night I was playing phone. then suddenly at 2.30 am, my fuckin rumet Izati. stand up and came at me while she sleeping! she sleep walking! fuck! I was goosebumps that time and can't sleep well after that! I hate her even more

nothing happened until this night, we're having pbl dinner. eating pizza. 6 different family size. and after that we're playing a truth game. revealed everyone secrets... it's about crush!!!!

nizal - having complicated crush to one of his atch mates
Yogesss - ambages
Nixon - called yan jin as bae. he loves yan jin cuz yanjin loves to advice him.

soo ping- one her schoolmates in asasi pintar

ayu- loyal to her boyfriend

lyssa- Mahzuz n haziq tng

mai- xde

Catherine-zeeky?

wan- luqman

uthaya- one of her schoolmates but treated her as a sister

most of us wanna build marriage on 27, 28 except ayu 22. waaaa

Sir aiman having a comeback in my dream be like....

at first it was about the teacher doing a checkup on each room and reminding us about safety from the unexpected incident. so, after all that, there were bunch of male teacher walked Infront of my class, one of them is sir aiman. 😍 and he suddenly called my name and asked me if I had problems with money for PAU program that will be held at KMK around January. that program actually is about the alumni participate in the event including playing games with the junior and having session where sharing the experience on degree life. 😚 ok, he keeps asking me about the colour of stethoscope and all his friends laughing and leave him as giving us some 'privacy'. 😣 and sir aiman looked very embarrassed and then I said it's okay sir... u can go with them, I'll message you..😎 hahahaha what was that all about. then, I was in the program, there were also Wan hidayat, fazlihi, aminuddin.. and others what the hell all those who don't related are here too.. but then luqman also there... 😕 what was this dream is all about!!!

Complicated feeling

I've always said that I don't want to see him again because I'm afraid in falling in love again after what had happened in national services. after I frust that taking longest time to get heal. imm. that man really taught me about not to giving all your heart into a man that you just know. don't ever be a girl that giving all your heart to your crush. it really hurting. and thats why in matriculation and even in degree... I don't want to be fall in love again.. let it be crush and not more than that. but with this man I met in degree life, ML, he's in second year student,, I don't know I kept met him even though I don't want to. this another man MZ. he's same batch as me. he's like IMM. that time when I had presentation on hubungan etnik, I went to cafe kaca before the presentation start. so, after that I met L, he's using stairs to 3rd floor while I'm using lift. he looked at me and I just change my back from him... I don't want to see him... after that I entered the DK1. I went to toilet for checking my clothes. after that I met him again. he looked at me again. aaaahhhhh I don't know what is wrong with you. you have hijrah right.?? that's I why I stepped aside because I know I won't be by your side... because of hijrah...

That moment when u suddenly pop up in my dream like wth are u doing here

tomorrow I'm gonna have exam eom on membrane receptors. so today is a study day. I woke up at 12 noon ... before that I dreamt about Mz ... in my dream, I was sleeping in my room and he came and asked me am I alright? god... that time I was unconscious... I just slowly wake up and talked to him hahahah... I don't remember what actually we were chatting about. but fyi that was the best moments. first time he talked to me even in dream...