im melt

 I just remembered when standard 6, theres a prefect camp.  And as always video of a mother underwent a surgery for pregnancy. And i cried. A lot. A lot. And infront of me, they were wan hidayat,  fazlihi,  faqrul n more. N then i cnt remember whose the one that told me to stop crying. And suddenly fazlihi said... Let her.... Biar la dia nak nangis. At least dia menghargai..... Wat the fuck babe

why now?

 I dont know why did i kept on dreaming about irfan and his geng...  Omg i still cant forget everything about cheras. That dream i was alone... And theres irfan n his geng like...  Were there too. And one of his friend... I didnt know who but its quite familiar. He kept on trying to talk to me. I ran. Obviously. But he kept on waiting for me. Like this one i was in toilet but he kept on waiting. And waiting. Irfan n the geng were there watching us...?  

Just like... Ive never thought about him. But why?  All of sudden they come back and disturbs me...  Makes my heart all this strange feelings

and then this another one, i dream about them,, but i was in a embarrassing condition... like im not wearing pants.. what the hell wan... then, one of them like saw me in that state. hahahahha

so yeah... they kept on like existing everywhere i go... why?!!!!

my question is why them? why now?

the fact that im still haunted by the failure of 3 years ago

 Idk where to start but, i went somewhere place.. Well u know how i slove library.... But in this dream, i went to library just like a fantasy,... Its like the most beautiful and amazing library with big globe center and many stairs,, lots of stairs and... Bla bla bla... 

I went there with my 2 friends. But somehow, there's also a group of my ex coursemates...  From medical u.  

Damn... I tried to run away from them... Oh gosh.... And then i cant remember.... But i saw them looking at them w sympathy

Ohh.... How long do i need to feel like im a loser who failed medical school.. its been 3 years tho.. still i cant move on from that black hole pit. the fact that im a loser, a failure