memang la aku suka tgk kesungguhan dia... tapi

Ye...  To be frank, i did enjoy it. But what if he doesnt like me. What if he doesnt like whatever i did. What if he doesnt like me and got mad. 

Do do you think i can still be like poker face like. Whole class will know how he ditched me or how i got fucking friendzoned bitch!

Yeah...  I did..  Happy but you...  What if above here happened. I have fuckin whole year to be here. And to be ashamed for whole year. 

But if it ever going to be happy ending...  I'll let my fate leads. Im not trying to seduced him or.... Getiks with him... 

I just appreciate his attitude and personality..  And just advices him to be himself. Be good. Be successful... 

I hope he didnt ever misunderstood my intentions. 

Ni notes gift card magenta gerbera yg aku bagi kat Mr I aku tu....

Aku malas nak taip.... So here

Could be my happiest day or worst day.. Ever in my life!

13 Mac 2020....

Aku exco pemasaran projasa yg ditukarkan nama ke kembara bakti desa. 8 Mac, exco pemasaran ada buat servis delivery bunga utk happy international women's day.

So to begin with...  Aku beli magenta gerbera berharga rm4. Yg bernota...  Nnti aku share next time.

Aku bagi kat izmel. Kepada izmel pengarah pmfsk. Dan aku baru ingat yg aku letak no telefon bepi. 

Nasib baik aku letak no telefon bepi.  Sbbnyaaa....

Hari ni dah 4 hari selepas flower  delivery tu...  Td ada meeting dinner opto.  Me as a cute swag usher flower girl or petal girl. Heh. 🌚... Tetiba naqi panggil. Wan sini jap...

Naqi ckp...  KAU NI WAN. KAU LA NI PUNYA PASAL.
aku pun terkejut la pahal mamat ni...
KAU TAU TAK...  IZMEL SETIAP KALI JUMPA AKU...  AKU MESTI CUAK. SBB DIA DH BAPE KALI TANYA, SIAPA YG BAGI. APA NAMA ORG YG BAGI BUNGA TU. NAK NO TEL DIA. NASIB BAIK TAU AKU TAK BAGI.
aku time MasyaAllah...  Kau taktau betapa cuaknya aku...  Siakkk la wei. Aku senyap dulu...  Sbb aku tak aspect yg dia akan reacts cm tu.
TADI AKU GI SURAU...  DIA DAH LALU MELEPASI AKU...  PASTU TETIBA DIA PATAH BALIKK. LAJU JER PERGI KAT AKU...  TANYA SIAPA BAGI BUNGA TU. KAU NI... DAH 3,4 KALI WEI DIA TANYA NOMBOR NGAN NAMA...
aku sumpah time tu mmg aku cuak gilerrr....  Aku takut kantoi. Mana siak nk letak muka.
Pastu pudin tambah. Lepas dia bagi bunga tu...  Izmel ajak pudin lepak cafe sampai 3 pagi.. 
Pastu naqi ngan fahmi mcm nk cakap... Aku paksa diorg jangan sesekali bagi nama n no telefon aku...

Masa meeting... Aku pon citer kat ira...  Wat happen... Tak fokus siak meetings tadi.

Lepas meeting... Aku ikut cahim g cafe...  Diorg order mcd.  Then aku cakap kat naqi...  Yg jangan sesekali bagi ni telefon aku kat izmel.

Pastu dia kata jangan risau wan...  Hahahahah...

Pastu tetiba dia tanya aku...  Wan no telefon sape kau letak kat google docs tu...  Aku kata aku tak ingat...  Baru teringat siakkk aku letak no telefon bepi...  Hahahahahha

Alkisahnya si izmel pagi lepas dpt bunga...  Agaknya tak dapat korek dari pudin... Dia try tanya aida mt bendahari. So...  Aida bagi no telefon tu... 

Dia terus call...  Bepi angkat...  Diorg laaa kata...  Sbb izmel terkejut apasal laki yg angkat... Tp dia pelik sbb yg call tu bukan budak ukm. Duduk johor plak tu....  Hahahahahhaha Ya Allah.!!!!!!

Tu yg dia dok tanya naqi.... Sape yg bagi... 

Naqi kata dia mcm sumpah nak tau sangat2 sape yg bagi.

YA AKU TAU...  AKU SERBA SALAH...  IN CASE IF ONE DAY...  DIA DAPAT TAU...  AND DIA CAM FRUST KECEWA...  THE ONE YG BAGI BUNGA BUKAN MACAM YG DIA HARAPKAN. I MEANS...  MUNGKIN DIA INGAT YG BAGI TU... MESTI BUDAK CANTIK... GOJES...  SLIM SHADY EMINEM. TGK2 DIA DAPAT TAU AKU YG BAGI. SIAPA LA AKU... 

KEDUA...  KALAU DIA TAK SUKA.  IF LAAAAA....  TETIBA DIA MCM..  MARAH.  KALAU DIA KATA AKU...  KAU NI BUDAK LAGI KAN...  TAK MALU KE...  BAGI KAT LAKI..  GATAI SANGAT KE...

ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM...  JAUHKAN LAAAA....

DAH LA SEKALI AKU KENA BAGI HARAPAN PALSU DARI YAD DULU...  SAKIT SIALLLLL

So this is a perfect opening post about him. Mr. I

29 feb.  Id never thought that im gonna have a lovely happy wonderful memories.

I was one of the exco jamuan for semarak komuniti. Which a program for community service. A day before that....

We're having last meeting. I was there obviously. Then ira said...  He was there. But its too late..  He'd already at blok a. And we're having meeting at pkp.

Then a few minutes later... He came back with another women. I waa furious ok. I was jealous. I was mad.  Yup.

I was trying to ignore him. I was mad at him. Furious and kinda frust.  30% frustrated. 

So throughout the meeting and rehearsal. I tried. I tried to ignore him. But i cant. I just try to ignore him. With mindset... I dont have fate with him.

Sothe event. Once i was there. I was at outside the hall.. Waiting for food. But then i saw ira running towards me. Saying he was here. I was like.. Trying to not look so obvious. So i make it cool.

I ignored again. And again. And while waiting. I saw ira sweeping. I helped her. And he watchin. I yried not to look. I sweeping around other side.

Suddenly ive heard someone.. Taking broom swept infront of me. I didnt looked up. Cuz i knew who is that. He was sweeping infront of me.

I quickly ran...  Tried the other side. Then,  my food arrived. We take care of it. And lets other eat first.

I tied the plastics at the gate for rubbish, meals preps.... And i went to registration. He was there at gate. Looking. Damn. I tried to ignore again..  Then, suddenly, when i was talking to registration prep. Suddenly he stand next two from me. Even though he didnt have right to do so. I means... Its not his job. Hahahahhahahahah

Then. When i was trying to take blood glucose and blood pressure....  I saw him doing the body fit test. Hahahah

After all that perasmian. I cant stop looking at him. I cant. After all other community went home. Theres a lot of extra food. I scrwamed. For those who wanna take it. He suddenly appeared in front of me. Damn damn.

Then when for pictures times. They asked us to arrange back the chairs. I helped. But then he suddenly stand up next to me. Helping. Really close. Damn it. Damn it.!! How could i still alive.

Then...  I saw he takes all the plastics that i hanged. And threw it. Oh gosh.  He ia the president. Repeat. President of student fsk. President of pmfsk. And he did such thing. He sweep, mop, threw gaebage. Oh goshhhhhhhhhhhh....

How can i forget about you tho....  U are such an angel tho. I fell in love with his personality. Totally in love. Again.

And i felt uncomfortable plus scared at the first time.

2nd march. I just finished being a patient for 4th year. And we decided to eat at food truck. But unfortunately. Its not ready yet. Tgen we walked infront pkp. I saw 2nd yr biomed. Include imam. He is there. So handsome. I was like.. Peepong at him.. But he also looked toward us. Suddenly i felt this uncomfortable feeling. Suddenly i felt nervous. I was shaking.. I grasped my own hand. Why tho. I did.. 'bertentang mata'ngan dia but.... 

Thats the 1st time bertentang mata..  But u know...  With intensely looking

What is this feeling. I'd never felt this before...

Mimpi #055

So this one may be related to last post.... Heck... How this related ... I still didn't know... But who care..

Let's get started

I was told by my grandma... That I will be married to someone she knows... Son from her friends... I didn't know who they are.....

One day I was helping my grandma in her shop... Then this one handsome man stopped by... Let's call him K... K smiled at me and wavering asking me to go near him...

K introduced himself as my future brother in law... Oh gosh I was totally mesmerized by his looking... Suddenly he took out several envelopes... Seems like a love letter... ( There's got love shaped on the letter *_* )

Sososo... Before he left, he gave me rm50 and asked me to read all these letters and said that he hope that I can stay with him....

( What's concerns me... I am supposed to marry his brother... How am I going to stay with him???? )

I took the letters and money as well ( man... Money matters to me.. even in dreams)

I read all the letters... One letter is from that man whom im gonna marry... But others from K.... Isn't that suspicious.... Why?

mimpi #054

this one i think kinda related with the second one... i dont how but i do feels about it... i dont know this man much... just lets call him W... (not a real name... just giving an alphabet only)

dream 1

i was eating in this one restaurant with my family... we ate and suddenly someone sat infrots of my chair (in the same table)... i was shocked... why did u came here... but i tried to ignore maybe theres no empty chair...

but whats really concerns me is... he keeps on looking at me... and trying to say something... like approaching me... but man, i am eating right... no disturbing okay....hahahha just kidding

after a few minute... my family stood up and ready to leave the place... then, i stop eating but my brother insists me to continue eating... But how? He asked that W man to accompany me eating till finish... Watdehek... I didn't know who the man is... And somehow he just let the strangers to stay with me... Isn't that ridiculous????

In the next day, I was in my house..  then I saw this man again... He came and said something to my dad. Then everyone is smiling happily and I'm still confused whats going on....

Then I knew what de heck they were talking... They agreed to have him to marry me.... Hahahahaha

(P/s: I know right my dreams are totally lovely and a bit fantasy... Well maybe I am a dreamer., Hahahaha I love dream... I realised that my dream is lovely so I intends to keep all of it into my diaries or my blog)...

Actually till here just I remember...  How ridiculous this dream is.

mimpi #053

mimpi ni benanya lama dah... time dia ada kat umah lgi... so,,, aku mimpi pasal AB ... one day i bought full set of  Hada Labo skin care... (maybe because i bought whitening skin care ) ...

aku guna skincare tu sampai la my face changes. macam lebih glowing gitu... (but actually hada labo is the best)

so,, aku nak g kenduri,, so, aku g singgah umah member jap... rasanya tu umah ain... singgah umah dia jap... pastu bila nak bertolak nk g kenduri... ada orang bagtau aku yg AB datang, cari aku... aku pon watdehek... aku gelabah gitu... ain tanya aku apahal gabra.. bukan kau suka dia ke???

memang la  aku suka tapi aku nebes... so,, aku taknak jumpa dia lagi... then aku ajak ain blah cepat2 ke kenduri ... tinggal AB... bila sampai kat kenduri ada geng2 aku tengah tunggu... kitorang pilih  tempat duduk paling jauh dan dalam.

pastu aku nampak AB sampai... aku buat derk jerk walaupun dia approach aku... pastu dia cuba panggil aku... tapi aku ignore jer... sampai la dia give up.

petang tu,,, aku pon blah dari kenduri... nak balik laaa.... otw balik tu.... AB kejar aku... dia cakap somthing that i really cant remember.... oh gosh... and he gave me somethg... he gave me a full set of hada labo... he said something again and smiled and left me with thousands questions....

wow... actually this can be comeback.... cuz ive never dremt about him so frequent....

im gonna miss him cuz this year i will leave perak forever??? my family going to move into kelantan.... that is so annoying and something that i really oppose.... ill let u know later.... how the hell this things affect my family...my families bonding.... its all matters to what we called as selfish!!!!

bye

Mimpi #052

Hari ni  aku mimpi... Mcm trip time sekolah laaa... Tp  semua dah besar panjang.

Maybe reunion sekolah buat trip ke lumut and pangkor...

Aku duduk ngn nabilah... Dalam bas... Depan aku ada sepasang kapel... Aku rasa tu ajil and girlfriend dia...

Pastu masa aku dok berbual ngan nabilah sepanjang trip tu... Ajil asyik pandang2 je.....

Sampai kat rnr... Kitorang mandi bersihkan diri... Aku xtau nape aku orang yg last boleh mandi... Hahahha

Time aku tgh mandi... Bilik air kosong.... Somehow... Ada sorang laki masuk ... Seriau kot... Rupanya aj... Dia boleh Tanya... Kau ke tu wan... Aku senyap je... Dia cakap lagi... Wei wan... Aku nk ckp something... Aku harap kau dengar...

Kau gila... Aku nk buat derk je bila laki dlm toilet ngan kau.... Nasib dh habis mandi... Pakai baju cepat2 pastu pecut keluar dengan rasa marah bengang malu...

Sampai dalam bas.... Aku terpandang muka dia... Tapi aku cepat2 alih... Rasa marah tak hilang.

Akhirnya sampai kat hotel... Aku ngan nabilah dpt bilik sama.. So kitorang ingat nk kluar dinner... So. Aku dh siap awal.. Aku tunggu luar bilik... Tetiba A datang. Dia berdiri depan aku pastu dia diam... Aku rasa x selesa bila dia pandang cm tu... So... Aku nk masuk bilik...

Belum sempat aku nk masuk bilik... A tarik aku ke hujung koridor... Dia pegang tangan aku kemas... Dia kata ... Kenapa lari... Aku dah lama suka kau... Kau tak nampak ke...

Aku senyap je.... Sampai la aku dengar nabilah panggil nama aku.. Aku cuba nak lepaskan tangan Dari dia.. Dia tak bagi.. Aku Cuba lagi... Pastu dia kata... Dia takkan lepaskan aku... Tapi aku rentap kuat2.. Then aku lari...

Esoknya sampai kat jeti... Aku and the geng pergi survey kedai cari souvenirs... Pastu A muncul... Aku Cuba utk ignore dia... Tapi tak sangka dia berani tarik tangan aku depan girlfriend dia... Dia kata dia nak jawapan... Aku geleng...

Then tetiba ketua trip panggil semua budak... Dia panggil nama orang then naik sampan or boat gitu...

Taktau mcm mana aku boleh pair ngan dia sedangkan dia ada makwe...

Aku Cuba utk pergi tukar orang.... Tp ketua tu kata tak boleh...

Sampai satu resort ni... Diorang buat party.. So.. Xtau la ada sorang laki ni.. Approach aku... Dia confessed... Tetiba datang A.. Kata nope she's mine... Aku plak yg terkejut... Aku deny apa yg dia ckp... Then dia cm marah...

Pastu x ingat dah...

Dream #051

I should have change this blog's name into dream blog....

Curious why did I dreamt a lot and somehow those dreams kinda cheesy ...

Okay this one about abrar... One of my neighbours ... My childhood crush...

In my dream.. My family went to his house having an open house.. And my brother asked him what to wear tomorrow as there will be a kenduri ... I was mad and others were laughing including him...

So I thought he took this as a joke... So he said... He gonna wear pink baju melayu...

As for tomorrow arrived... I was going to wear blue jubah as always... But my cousin keeps on pushing me to wear pink one....

I don't want to wear it because if he didn't wear pink one.... Its seems that I am the only one who is desperate...

But I just wear pink and hopefully he will wear the same...

Once at the kenduri... Its seems like everyone were waiting for him... Looking for what kind of colour he gonna wear...

Suddenly he appeared and OMG... He wore a pink one ... As I looked at him... He smiled widely... Goshhh I'm blushing... Somehow everyone at the kenduri were applauded and we became a couple???? At someone's kenduri which is supposed to be kenduri kawin orang....

The heckkkkkkk

Dream #050

About dream...

I was in the airplane with my mom. Then somehow I met some girls might be cousin or whatever... So my mom did invited them to the hotel where we stayed.

After arrival.. I looked around the room we rent and that was so amazing... There were 2 rooms and 1 master room... Somehow this hotel look so vintage...

And if look out of the window... You might see tropical like scene... Freshly smell of trees... All that.. Yes... Then suddenly... There were 2 men. I didn't know why they were here.. But let's move on... Somehow it seems like I kinda in love with man A... We both have something but this man B was kinda crush at me... But I'm not.... Silly me...

So.. Man B keeps on getting around me like wanting me to realise him... And yeah I ignored.

One thing ... There's one room... That have lots of craft things... Like those keychains.. Flowers... Those art and crafty things... And so on.. And in the master room... There's an ATM machine.... Wow the heck is that...

Then i went out for I don't know... But its seems that I'm having a reunion... And I was waiting for someone.... I couldn't remember it... But if I was not mistaken... He wore blue shirt... Damn he was so nice tho... He came to me andddd....

But yeah again..... I can't remember....