I had a dream on 12 March 2017

about 2 men were trying to get my attention. they always try to make me accept them... actually one of them. at first I ignored both ... at last I accept one of them... then I officially couple.. he kissed me and we were actually happy until one day, I went to toilet and something happens. I was surrounded by few people, men and women as well... I had a bad instinct.... they want to bully me cuz I couple with that man... so one of the man.. try to r*pe me.. they recorded my voice and sent it to my bf. I was scared... but I successfully escaped from there and shouted for help... all the people that surrounds me just now we're captured... one of my friends came and save me... she asked me about my bf... but he didn't appear.. that time I was wondering and sad. then, one of my friends said... my bf is actually hang out with other girl study in somewhere else... I totally sad and then, I realised that I'm stupid for believing him... then I went home and decided to clash with him. then, at one place i found an old woman selling a fruits beside the road. and I help her.. until one rich old man come and buy the fruits. after a few month I helped that old woman selling fruits.... I realised that old man didn't come anymore... I was wondering if something happens to him. then tomorrow i saw his car .. and I thought it was him... actually it was his son.. so handsome n good-looking. he buy the fruits and after few weeks, we become a good friend...let's call him ZZ ... about my ex bf, I totally ignored him and already ask for clash... I always run if I met him. then, one day one of my schoolmates saw me walking... actually she is one the ex bf'friends .... he said to him... and he shocked... as I walking to old woman house. I heard someone call my name.. as I know whos calling me... he was the ex bf, I ran to avoid him again ... then,, he still following me until I reached at one place that too dark.. im scared. suddenly someone grabbed my hand and shut my mouth... thanks goodness it was ZZ... he tried to save me from that man. after a few minutes, it seems safe for me to get out from there... I thank the ZZ and we walked together to old woman house. but again I found him .. he tried to call me and see me... but I refused until ZZ hug and kiss me Infront of him. he was shocked... he tried to ask me ... why did I avoid him and decided to clash... i told ZZ that I will talk to him... then I explained everything what happened... then, he keeps saying sorry... until I asked him to be with other girl and stop disturbing me... then, I went to house with ZZ .. and he proposed me...

21 Dec 2016

I eat breakfast with egg mayo. started class with cl.. alhamdulillah I prepared the notes n when I came to class. I can understand better. forgot to talk about what happened that night before. I went sleep at almost 3.30 am! fuckin what? yeah that night I was playing phone. then suddenly at 2.30 am, my fuckin rumet Izati. stand up and came at me while she sleeping! she sleep walking! fuck! I was goosebumps that time and can't sleep well after that! I hate her even more

nothing happened until this night, we're having pbl dinner. eating pizza. 6 different family size. and after that we're playing a truth game. revealed everyone secrets... it's about crush!!!!

nizal - having complicated crush to one of his atch mates
Yogesss - ambages
Nixon - called yan jin as bae. he loves yan jin cuz yanjin loves to advice him.

soo ping- one her schoolmates in asasi pintar

ayu- loyal to her boyfriend

lyssa- Mahzuz n haziq tng

mai- xde

Catherine-zeeky?

wan- luqman

uthaya- one of her schoolmates but treated her as a sister

most of us wanna build marriage on 27, 28 except ayu 22. waaaa

Sir aiman having a comeback in my dream be like....

at first it was about the teacher doing a checkup on each room and reminding us about safety from the unexpected incident. so, after all that, there were bunch of male teacher walked Infront of my class, one of them is sir aiman. 😍 and he suddenly called my name and asked me if I had problems with money for PAU program that will be held at KMK around January. that program actually is about the alumni participate in the event including playing games with the junior and having session where sharing the experience on degree life. 😚 ok, he keeps asking me about the colour of stethoscope and all his friends laughing and leave him as giving us some 'privacy'. 😣 and sir aiman looked very embarrassed and then I said it's okay sir... u can go with them, I'll message you..😎 hahahaha what was that all about. then, I was in the program, there were also Wan hidayat, fazlihi, aminuddin.. and others what the hell all those who don't related are here too.. but then luqman also there... 😕 what was this dream is all about!!!

Complicated feeling

I've always said that I don't want to see him again because I'm afraid in falling in love again after what had happened in national services. after I frust that taking longest time to get heal. imm. that man really taught me about not to giving all your heart into a man that you just know. don't ever be a girl that giving all your heart to your crush. it really hurting. and thats why in matriculation and even in degree... I don't want to be fall in love again.. let it be crush and not more than that. but with this man I met in degree life, ML, he's in second year student,, I don't know I kept met him even though I don't want to. this another man MZ. he's same batch as me. he's like IMM. that time when I had presentation on hubungan etnik, I went to cafe kaca before the presentation start. so, after that I met L, he's using stairs to 3rd floor while I'm using lift. he looked at me and I just change my back from him... I don't want to see him... after that I entered the DK1. I went to toilet for checking my clothes. after that I met him again. he looked at me again. aaaahhhhh I don't know what is wrong with you. you have hijrah right.?? that's I why I stepped aside because I know I won't be by your side... because of hijrah...

That moment when u suddenly pop up in my dream like wth are u doing here

tomorrow I'm gonna have exam eom on membrane receptors. so today is a study day. I woke up at 12 noon ... before that I dreamt about Mz ... in my dream, I was sleeping in my room and he came and asked me am I alright? god... that time I was unconscious... I just slowly wake up and talked to him hahahah... I don't remember what actually we were chatting about. but fyi that was the best moments. first time he talked to me even in dream...

Dunia ni bukan yg macam kau impikan

Ada orang kata, Dunia ni ibarat penjara, akhirat nanti ibarat kebebasan abadi. Yaaa.. aku setuju ini ayat untuk Umat islam yg menjadi keredhaanNya Di Dunia dan mendapat balasan Di akhirat lelaki...

Apa yg nk diceritakan bukan pasal ceramah Di atas. Ianya pasal perancangan anda Di Dunia ni x sama dengan perangai Allah swt terhadap Kamu.. Dia Maha Mengetahui apa yg terbaik utk Kamu... Insyaallah...

Dunia ni x sebahagia yang kau impikan. sejak aku jejak kaki ke tanah ukm cheras ni. banyak yg aku alami tapi masa tidak mempersetujui untuk ku meluahkan kat sini. xpayah poyo sgt ayat kau. di sini banyak yg akan kau rasa dan akan kau ceburi. alhamdulillah module 1 exam telah lepas and harini 3 november telah kuar result. alhamdulillah lulus dpt c+ dlm module cellular biochemistry... aku mmg agak dapat rendah coz aku byk membuta... hahaha skip that nonsense later ill described it. i wanna talk about this man. his personality really perfect! his handsome, kind, clever, pious, love to smile. and his perfect just perfect... that kind of person yg sgt perfect... you think he will look at me? naaahhhhh even a little pon tarak laaa... but somehow... i try to keep myself away from him cuz... i know ill be hurt for the how-many-time-i-frusted.. you... i cant mentioned your name because my doctor Dr Azmi knew that i have a blog. im afraid that he will read it without me noticed. hahahaha yesterday, i stayed at library just doing my exco marketing works and pbl assignment. while im focusing doing it... i realised you entered the library and went to the second floor. i just ignored you because i know you already have someone that you love... yeah i know! i know everything and everyone talking about you both. around 1 pm... you came down and you looked at me and looked at you... and thats it. i continue doing my works. ignoring your glance... im fat, hideous ugly, not so clever... its just luck that i can be here... yeah i know. i wont suits you ever.. just please remove this stupid feeling from my heart. im just to scare to fall in love after the incident in plkn... just taking precautions. 

Cuma klau Kamu benar2 mendekati Allah... Allah akan hadir kan seseorang yg dekat dengan Allah berada di samping mu... Insyaallah.

cuma aku takut tgk kau...

hmmmm
aku xtau nak start Dari mana..... aku pon xberapa ingat sbb aku sibuk ngan exam Dan cuti 2 minggu. tapi aku perasan yang hari terakhir exam Dan aku nak balik. mulanya aku jalan sorang2... lagi setengah jam sebelom bas sampai ... aku pakai jubah hiru Dan satu beg kmk ADA laptop jerkkk... time depan masjid. aku dengar suara pompuan jerit nama aku. aku pusing tgk2 addah. so, aku pun tunggu. dia nk g amik barang Kat POS mini.

dok tengah sembang2. aku nampak kau otomen lalu depan. addah kata ceyhh wan. aku balas xde makna. tapi dia baju sama cam kau pink. hahaha so, aku pon macam bermonolog kenapa kau ada Kat sini. hampeh giler.

then biler bertembung addah mendahului lalu depan aku. aku pandang kiri which is pandang ke arah asrama lelaki. dan kau plak pandang aku xhenti. even aku pandang kiri pon aku still prasan laaaa ngok.... kalau muka kau dok terteleng ke arah aku.... mula2 aku ingat kau pandang addah tapi addah dh kat dpan aku n dh melepasi kau. aku ingat kau pandang kawan laki kau. aku usha xder sape2 pon selain aku n addah. Dan APA maksud kau sampai kau tgk aku lama2.

then, minggu pertama Kat kmk lepas cuti 2minggu. aku xprasan sangat. aku prasan gak kau sibuk nak pandang blakang time kuliah. kau pahal. ntah laaa tapi aku punya perasaan skang ni dah tukar Dari suka ke benci. sorry. aku ingat kau lain tau. tapi luaran x menggambarkan personality kau yang sebenar sorry.

then, hari tu hari rabu. si muaz beria nak wat meeting lepas kuliah bio. last2 dia xdatang . so, aku n addah on the way nk g skuasy court. baru je keluar Dari kuliah. aku nampak kau dok sorang2 Kat kerusi bata Kat jalan nak g cafe. dalam hati aku.... punyalahhh aku malas nak lalu situ. then, eima panggil. dia xikut. dia g cafe a. sebelom aku pandang eima Kat blakang. aku nampak kau senyom tapi hati aku ckp kau mesti senyum kat kawan kau.

pastu bila dh habes ckp ngan eima. aku ngan addah terpaksa lalu Kat situ. aku tertengok kau time tu.... mata kau. mata kau macam tajam. Dan kau pandang kitorang lama2. aku pon cepat2 pandang blakang .... xde orang... xkan mamat ni senyum Kat whiteboard. aku try pandang skali. sekali mata tertentang terus berderau darah aku. mata kau weyhhh.... aku takot laaa... aku xbuta lagi. mata kau memang menakutkan.

aku ckp Kat addah,. weyhhh kau tgk x otomen tadi. addah geleng. so, aku pon senyap laaaa...

sebelom tu aku eima Dan  Addah nk g klas math miss Farah. lepas Naik tangga, aku terpandang Kat balkoni tandas pompuan.... kau dok situ main fon. again mata tertentang. so, nasib baik aku cepat2 pandang depan n buat Derk jerrr

dalam klas math. addah Tanya aku. kau nmpak otomen tadi. so aku kata nampak tapi malas nak layan.

tadi lepas habis klas pukul 12(khamis)  aku jumpa kau lagi. kau duduk ngan kawan kau.... ntah yg mana. Kat lorong asrama lelaki. aku cuba wat xtau. tapi kau pasal pandang arah sini bongok!!!!!! APA masalah kau.!!!!!!!

well aku just xtau nk buat pa dah...

Haha. Ckp pasal otomen. Haha. Hari tu aku try stalk die. Then, dpt la ic, bilik, n0. Matriks dll hahaha die sk0la sbp integrasi batu rakit terengganu. Haha dulu ada la org ckp yg die xsuka org kelantan. Tapi bukan die kelantan ke? cehhh poyo. Haha aku xtau la seems like i really like him hahaha

Yeah this is the best dream ever. Guess what. Now its ultraman turns. I do love him. In this dream it really looks like he loved me.

Dan kau plak yad....

Why did i cant forget everything about you. Why did i always think about you. Even that wasnt my intention or my true feeling. I am love you. I do. But day by day i feel like my feeling towards you just fading just because of you. You. I did not knowing your true feeling towards me. I did not know your feeling right now. Till now i curious who is that nunul. Seriously i am saying that i am jealous. Thats it. Youre great. Youre just perfect but i dont know why my feeling to you seems fading. And i believe that we are not meant to be together. You know what. Just difficult for me to accept it. But it is reality. I cant oppose fate. Just wandering why did i spent whole my heart to you. And now i am going to take it back. But my heart is full with scars. Stupid memory between us. Seriously i am regret it. I totally regret for what had happened within 2 months. Just hurt. Really hurt.

kau dah hilang. susah nk cari balik. pengganti xde

Ingat lg x wan. Masa kau mula2 masok plkn. Apa niat kau? kau nak blajar psl agama. Kau nk lebih mendalami agama. Kau xnk wat perkara lagha. Dan time tu kau jumpa seseorg. Ingat lg pesan ustaz, kau dkt dgn allah. Allah tolong kau cari yg terbaik utk kau. See what happened. Kau dh jumpa wan tp lepas tu kau alpa balik. Kau mula jauh dari allah. Kau leka. And allah tarik balik. And u can n0t see him again. U deserves that wan. Kau hilang die. First time taaruf. Kau xnmpk die sbb kau xminat. Tapi kau perasan x yg die tgk kau. Yeah kau lepas. Kalau kau still ngn attitude kau. Maybe those thing cant happened. Sedar wan.

bahana zina mata.. jangan pandang remeh

Even that time aku tertentang mata ngan kau. Aku rasa malu. Seriously. Youre good. I really want to know you better. But it seems like impossible just like yad and me. I do realized that dream was the best dream. Totally sweet. I like you and you also like me. And it looks like we are meant to be together. isnt sweet. haha. I hope this is real. Because i already admitted that i totally fall in love with you. Seriously. And one more thing that i realized these few days. You seems quiet. Why? is there anything that disturb you or it just my imagination again.

kenangan belah tikus.... doctor to be never scared of this kind of things...

abaikan tudung yg senget.... serabut dohhh. hahaha dah laaaa migraine pastu bau plak subhanallah memang ujian betol hahahaha anyway memang best at least I'm not scared right???? hahahahaha waiting for the next challenge... ganbatte!!!!😍😍😍😍😍