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31/10/2017 isnin

I don’t know why when I met him. I suddenly feel hatred. Hate to see him. Today, I met him at UMBI café. Okay, after eat all this thing, he came out with his friend … then, yes, he looked at me… and I feel so angry on how he looks… whats wrong with you… is it necessary for you to gaze for a long time??? Heh… I do realized cuz I know it…. You dah nape… did I did something wrong????

aigoo full set formal attire really kills me

27/10/2017 jumaat

Yesterday I having an event mandate sukem… I managed the multi things. Well including the song, video and PowerPoint slide. That’s my first attempt on having a very serious and important job. Well I did some mistakes, at first… after few rehearsal… I manage to conduct the multi perfectly… applause for me plisss… hahahha thanks…

But that’s not my points to write here… the point is … I am so glad that there’s Hz was there also. He volunteered himself to be emcee. And with lisa. Yes I did jealous. But whole rehearsal and event… they don’t talk so much… just like strangers… so I don’t mind muahahahaha

I wanted to say hi… but im too shy. Haha… cant u noticed how I act if I was there and try to approach him… if.. if… he doesn’t reply or react… that might be too much embarrassing… hahahha

He was too cute…. Serious!!! My weakness… I cant see man in full formal suit. Blazer and tie. That fuckin attire… really makes my heart dudududdududu… like shit!

Hahahaha… throughout the event and rehearsal… I cant keep my eyes away from him… hahahaha even though my job are too important… and need 200% concentration… in case if I don’t want any mistakes happen. But I cant control my ‘lust’… hahahahha

baru seminggu xjumpa... angau nak mati

dia... setelah 2 tahun, aku susah nak cari pengganti I... dia muncul.... dia punya kewujudan memang membuatkan aku benci. aku selalu merengus benci bila dia ada... tapi dalam diam.... hujung hati aku,, aku rindu dia... tapi bila saat aku terserempak dengan dia tanpa sedar atau tanpa keinginan.... aku macam angau...

apa kau buat weyh... hari ni 25/10/17 rabu... lepas lecture, aku nk g toilet... panaskan tangan... bila aku keluar... aku jumpa kau. ok that time, mata kau dan mata aku bertembung... masing2 tengok... lama...

tercengang ke weyh... kalau aku, aku macam kena pukau... tetiba freeze.. ngekkkkkk

mata kau... buat aku meracau laaa... nape hari ni aku tgk kau... macam hensem, xmacam sebelom ni... mungkin sebab ni first time aku tengok kau pakai kemeja... warna back white stripes.. aku plak baju hitam and kelabu... see,, jodoh le tu. aminnn...

tapi bila pikir plak.... macam xnakkkk... dia muda setahun

damn wan damnnnn

😫😫😫😫😫😫😱😱😱😱😱😱😈😈😈😈

hahaha even kawan pon xpaham hati kau

yeah ive already told my friend about you... on how you help me to get his attention... but why... the way you acted... just like... okk, ive read somewhere,,, if u love someone... you willing to help her/him to make her/him happy.... and yes..

you did everything for me... just to make him knew me. yes ... it successful and totally makes me feels good having you as my friends..

all the stories ive told to my friends... they just curious how exactly... your feeling towards me...

muahahahaha... even me .. i dont know what youre thinking.

if men think women are complicated. dehhh me as a woman. (its hard to called myself woman)

for me it is hard to understand men's feeling. nanana... still i dont knoww..

diorang dah semakin BESAR DAN TINGGI dari aku...

well Besar dan tinggi di sini... is not meant that they are becoming bigger. it is a sentences on how to say... now become successful than me...

yeah I did jealous... somehow/.... yes since primary school i crush on him... F1 and H1....
(That time im not watching flower boys yet... so its my idea first on how to called them without anyone knows,,,)

they become more and more successful.... whattttt

but i do really hope that one day... please let fate meet us in aright time.... i wanna shows that I can. I can do it...\

i am not the same like before...

haiihhhh....

every night before sleep.... i will keep on remember on how embarrassing I am when I was younger..

hahahaha\\ if I would like to list down.... maybe... its too much...

but i do really hope... someday, we will meet in a good time....

Justin bieber - never say never... really suits me now....

muahahahahaha

kejam tol... kot ye pon jangan la gebang gitu skali. sis x suka

10:51 pm 23/10/2017

Sumpah malu giler…. Hampeh xkan dia xingat aku langung… aku tau dia tau aku ni repeaters… tapi awat dia saje je Tanya aku kenal jiji ke tak!!!!!!!! Tapi memang bila aku jumpa dia…. Terus gila awkward,,, punya la beria nak jumpa dia… muahahahaha

Okkk it’s a bit kinda “perasan skit’ since… yeah I can understand if he kinda friendly but… seriously he asked me from where… bla bla… I said from perak. Then ask again perak where… I said from manjung… okkk that’s it…

Okkk it might like he don’t know my name but after he saw my face at first meeting damn…. Am I agaqin perasan sendiri or its reality that you are looking at me… HAHAHAHA …

Okkkk again at first taafuf of RIMD… you said want to having taaruf first… ok,,, so introduction first… cuz u said u didn’t know any of us… okkk

But why before intro, u said u want to ask question and suddenly u said “ okay wan fatini… boleh awak terangkan apa yang awak paham tentang program ni…."

Kau dah nape… at first u said u xkenal my name… after a few minutes before ice breaking and taaruf all that… u know my full name ( of koss without my full name , my dad name laaa)..

Nandato….

Sumpahh that’s very awkward.. I cant look at his face… hahahahahahahha… I really hope its doesn’t happens same as in national services… how I met him.

Serious… ive read somewhere… that it said if u love someone with redha Allah… that love never die… yes I agreed that I love him because I love him because he was pious.

But now…. Everything gone….

That boy so called GORENG PISANG

That time i was eating with su,  farzana n mesh.  We went to umbi for the second time and ordered char kuew teow.  Okay we sat and chatted waiting for meals.  In front of me was a group of first year boys. 

How do i know?  Damn please,  they sat in front of me.  Or u just say,  opposite me.  So,  i can see clearly what they were doing.  And one of the boy that sat opposite me was azhan. 

I realized what they were doing.  They kept on talking and looking at us and laughed.  That time i still didnt told my friends cuz maybe i was wrong.  So,  whenever i talk with su,  i obviously can see them. Clearly.  Crystal clear.  

And i still can't get it.  Wth azhan kept looking at me.  Damn.  If u saying that im just dreaming.  Dehhh have you been in a moment when your eyes meet with someone..  And do you think that person are not looking at u? 

Beside azhan,  theres adam , amir hakim and azam. And now i realized all of them has name started with A. hahahhaa coincidence maybe. 

Then our meals arrived.  While eating.  Mesh saw someone bringing pisang goreng to the boys.  And she wanted to buy that as well. 

Wtf...  U know what.  She was shouting asking for goreng pisang.  Like hell.  Is she too hungry that too desperate need that pisang goreng.  Then she asked that she wanted the pisang goreng on mak cik's hand.  That mak cik said  this goreng pisang for the boys. 

Like fuck... It's too embarrassing... Huh

And u know what the boys kept on looking and laughed.  Damn.  Fucking damn

Then the mak cik returned and give the pisang goreng to boys.  And came towarda me and asked how much we want the pisang goreng . She asked the price.  4 for rm1. And he asked for rm5 and asking for extra.  Damn shit... 

Then,  after that mak cik gone ... The boys stood up and one of them came to us.  He gave the pisang goreng and he asked to finished cuz they have class after that. 

I was totally speechless and froze.  

That boy amir hakim.  Damn hahahhaa

Again for how many times... Like what?!!!

I dreamt about someone that will be my future hb.  I was a doctor in that scene. (How i wish this things can end asap)  and i was not feeling well that time.  He (that future hb)  was in charge on take care on me. Like what?  He had another patient but he insisted to treat me. 

That time he was on another patient.  That time i already felt better and decided to run away.  How can on the way to run away,  i fainted and laying on the floor...  Like wth.  

I heard a noise came from someone nagging.  I tried to open my eyes.  N saw him.  Nagging bout me.  Hahaha.  Then,  (i think this part was about we were having a preparation for marriage.. Damn.)  

Theres a game that we need to test our partner.  (Beside me,  theres another couple who will have their marriage together). 

I told my future hb to learn speak kelantanese and he quite unhappy and wanted to declined the quest but several seconds then,  he smiled widely.  This time i knew I'm fucked.  

As for him,  he asked me to do a favor . He asked me to kiss him and say how much i love him in front of other members (like hell man,  all our big family are here, although it was a dream only,  still feels fuckin embarrassing) 

At first i dont want to do it but then he stood up and slowly came toward me.  Nooooo.  He said, "darling...  U started this first and u take yours. " smiled and slowly come towards me.  I tried to run but he managed to catch me and he pulled me in somewhere else that others cannot see us.  Damn he hugged me tightly and forcing me to kiss him.

But then im awake as someone called me.  Damn.  Always disturbs when climax. Hahahahhaha

how i wish this can be true

24*9*2017

Thats day.  I was dreaming about someone that are in love with me. And yes.  I love him as well.  But there's something about it.  Like neither one of us were trying to tell the truth.  Like damn-shit-how-can-I-told-him the real feeling of mine.  But yes,  we were trying after that and i dont understand why did he or me just accept or declare or confessed that we both have the same fuckin feeling.  

And he was trying to find me.  But you know me,  whenever  it relates to creatures so called as GUY or MALE.  Im totally sucks at it.  It's  like Im the loser.  Hahaha.  I'll be the one who runs  a lot.  And trying to resist or to argue the real feeling....  

But at last,  i realized  how important  he is.  And i tried to find him and tell him everything.... 

Finally  i stuck  at this place (ballroom), i think. Theres a lot of people wearing dress and masquerade. Damn.  How can I find him in these people.  Then,  i feel like really in a mood of giving up.  And then,  i turned back.  Suddenly (yeah a real cliche moment)  the room was dark and people were whispering asking what is happening.  And then,  light switched on and first thing  i saw was him.  Holding a bouquet of flowers (red roses) and smiling at me.  He started to walk towards me and I was really messed up and try to walk away.  But he intended to stop me.  And he told his feeling tho.  And after that i (also)  told the truth... 

Happy ever after

Shit

what the heck is that

[3:01 AM, 8/29/2017]


 That time.  I attending a program  on umrah...  So...  Around last hour for ceramah..  Suddenly my eyes gazing at someone familiar...  I tried to recognize  who he was.  But I failed.  Until.  Ustaz was in the middle of surau and I looked at ustaz at first while listening to what he said.  Then suddenly accidentally my eyes met that familiar-looking-man.  He kept on looking at me.  And I was what.  What was that looking for. Then mom said that the man was looking at us for a long time...  Seriously!

i know im over react. but after that 1st session, we had like rest session. and this one makcik like asked me, when i queued to take some food. she noticed tht man like watching me. and she asked me, wether i knew him or not. so like i obviously didnt knew that man.

and my habit of easily forget someone's face... cant be taken lightly. sumpah, dia familiar. mcm aku kenal. tapi aku x ingat sape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ke dia nampak ada hantu bertenggek belakang aku ahahhahahaha jkjk